As mums I think we always question ourselves . Are we doing enough ? Could we do more ? Are we a good mum ? As special needs mums, this is no exception. Here is a list of 5 things I think can help us all to be the best mum we can be. After all a happy mum means a happy child.
1. Exercise and make time for yourself.
I have put this as number one as I believe that as mums we need to look after ourselves as much as we look after our children. I know as mums we always put our children first and we do , however I think self care should be just as much of a priority. After all if we are not mentally and physically well , how are we going to be able to take care of our young ones. This is especially the case when parenting special needs children. This can be an exhausting job and it’s important that as mums we find the time to rest.
I’m not suggesting that if your child is hungry and needs a meal that you prioritise your sleep over that and take a nap while your child stays hungry, I just believe that we should all make time to rest. Easier said than done , I know , but this is where we need to ask for help ! There is nothing wrong with asking for help. It does not make us weak or a failure , it makes us responsible and caring mothers .
Exercise is a fantastic natural anti depressant and is a great mood lifter. I regularly run or walk and i find it really helps to make me a happier person and that’s what our children need , a happy mum and happy parents.
Hobbies are also a great way of relaxing and taking time away from being a mum. If your anything like me, you feel guilty when you indulge in a hobby but we need to remember that while we are mums, and yes that is the best job in the whole world, we are also individual women with our own interests and yes, that is allowed.
2. Stop criticising yourself and comparing yourself to other mums.
Its too easy to compare the way we bring up our children, with other mums. However what we need to remember, especially as parents of special needs kids, is that each of our children are individual, with their very own unique needs. No one knows better than you, how to raise your child. I think too often we forget that and critisize ourselves, when really we are doing a fantastic job. If your child is happy ,fed and regularly gives you hugs (if they are able to) then you are doing a pretty amazing job.
We also need to stop letting others judgement of us, effect us. Nobody knows what you go through day in day out as a special needs parent, so nobody has the right to judge you. Next time your little one has a meltdown in public and a judgemental mum gives you the look , just ignore it and know that what you are doing is right for you and your child. The chances are that person judging you, has no idea what your daily life involves.
3. Learn to ask for and accept help.
Accepting some help when you need it, is not a sign of weakness or failure. It actually makes you a responsible and mature mother. If you are lucky enough to have family around, then embrace that and accept help when its offered and ask for help when its needed. And, dont feel guilty about it. Its benefitial for children to form relationships with other members of the family. If you worry they dont know how to look after your child properly, remember that they themselves have likely raised children at some point and they might actually be a great resource for you. You can always show them the ropes and once it becomes a routine, it will get easier for everyone. Learn to accept the help now and in the future it will become easier.
If your not fortunate enough to have family local to you, then find out about local support groups and services available to you. Every county has provision for special needs and particuarly if your child has an Education and Health Care Plan (EHCP) you will most likely be entitled to a lot more than you might realise.I myself need to look into this as unfortunately my family are not local.
4. Make time to listen, play and communicate with your child. Daily.
Ok so we are all busy and I get that we cannot sit and play with our children all day, every day. If we can sit with our children for a little bit daily, and engage with them and whatever activity they are doing, this will benefit them and us greatly. I think we need to remember that they won,t be little for long and they grow up fast so we need to cherish these little moments while we can. Reading to my son is something we enjoy together daily. Its a time when we can talk about the day too and practice some reading and listening skills. Each child is different and their needs vary but whatever play time consists of for your child, just join in for a little part of it, each day.
The thing with my son is that his version of play is very different. He is happy for me to sit and watch him while he builds the same tower over and over , or blow the balloon a few times. I don’t need to get involved, in fact he doesn’t want me to, but he likes me to sit on the floor next to him and join in.
5. Have a close network of trusted friends.
Having a small group of friends you can call on anytime day or night, could be your saviour. It doesn’t,t have to be a large group, maybe just one or two. But knowing that you have someone you can call, meet for a coffee or even have a night out with (yes a night out!) could just provide you with the respite you deserve.
There is a saying , “it takes a small village, to raise a child” .You may have heard it. I think this saying just reinforces that fact that it’s ok to ask for help sometimes and that actually giving your child the chance to form bonds with your trusted friends, could be a positive.
Of course you can always ask for feedback on your parenting skills, right from the horse’s mouth. Ask your child. I ask my son if i am a good mummy, most days. If he is angry with me he will say no I am a bad mummy, I am like Miss Trunchbull. But if he is happy with me, he will say I am a good mummy, I am like Miss Honey. We love a bit of Matilda.
As i said before, I am not an expert and I am far from perfect but in this post I have just shared what I believe will help, and what I myself have found helps me and my son. If I have helped even one mum feel a bit better today, then I have achieved what I wanted. Please feel free to comment and share your tips for being a better mum, as I dont know about you, but I am always wondering, is there more I could do?
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